SubscribeI’m going to let you in on a little secret. Come closer. It’s just between us. See, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but I’m a fat avatar. Yes, it’s true. No need to try to sugarcoat it or to deny it. It’s just part of who I am. Notice that word “part” though. It’s important to me because being fat is not who I am. There’s a lot more to me than that. Maybe that’s why I don’t fixate on it and even why I’m not so comfortable with other people seeming to focus on it and excluding every other facet of who I am even if they mean it in some positive way like “You go girl for being fat!”
I understand that choosing to have a fat avatar can make me stand out a bit, and I can even see why someone might wonder about my decision. The thing is though that there’s not always some big explanation to give about the origin of a look. Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes, a fat girl is just a fat girl. I don’t go out of my way to highlight the fact that I’m fat because I figure it’s obvious to anyone who can see, and honestly, it doesn’t matter anyway. At least, it doesn’t matter to me, and I’m the only one whose opinion counts.
Do I have issues sometimes getting clothes to fit? Yes, but a lot of my friends do as well because they choose to be more muscular or taller or shorter or thinner than average. Honestly, I’m grateful for all the modding practice I’ve gotten because of my shape. I don’t think I’d be nearly as comfortable changing things to give them my own spin if not for the fact that I figured if I had to work a little bit to fit them, then I might as well have fun with it and see what else I could do. There are some items that are nearly impossible for me to find like feminine boots that fit me, but again, it’s just something that I deal with as part of my choice to be the shape I am. So many of my friends joke about the number of clothing changes I can go through in a day, so obviously, my shape isn’t keeping me from buying and wearing what I want.
Somewhat related to this, I tend to not show a lot of skin in Second Life other than my mermaid outfits and a few other items here and there. This is not because I’m ashamed of my avatar body or because I don’t feel attractive. Honestly, if I didn’t like my shape, then I’d perform some slider magic and change it. Most of the time, I simply find a little mystery more attractive than putting everything out on display. That’s a personal choice unrelated to my avatar shape. Acting as though it’s some big breakthrough for me to show a little skin because you decide that means I’m showing newfound confidence is more than a little insulting.
On a typical day in Second Life, I visit several sims as I explore or shop, and I run across lots of different types of avatars. I’ve had very few negative encounters with anyone regarding my shape, and in fact, I haven’t had any negativity expressed about my shape in ages. I don’t say that to diminish any hurtful experiences you or people you know may have gone through, but I just want to show that hasn’t been my reality. In my experience, being fat doesn’t automatically mean things are going to be harder for you in Second Life. People of any shape have to deal with rudeness and stupidity in SL from time to time. That’s not limited just to avatars that might fall outside whatever is deemed to be typical.
Really, what it boils down to as I try to work through what it is I’m trying to say here is that there’s more to all of us than our shapes. I’m not special because I’m fat. I’m special because I’m me, and you’re special because you’re you. We’re all better off when we can just look how we want, dress how we want, and live how we want without feeling like we have to worry about being the voice for whatever group people want to place us in to categorize us.
Variety is the spice of life, so make mine extra spicy, but hold the shape fixation and substitute some general appreciation for all of us. Thanks!
You know it really doesn’t occur to me about your shape very much, any more than it would in RL. Maybe cos I’m a large guy in RL but I don’t think I ever thought about it much to be honest.
I think that if you are insecure in a quiet way then you will find something about your body that you dislike, and it probably won’t be anything you can easily change. If you are one of the types that is insecure in a hostile way, you find things in other people to dislike and ridicule rather than face what you think of yourself. Either way, body shape is just something picked out of a hat, an easy target because it’s clearer to see.
Took me many many years to be genuinely happy with my body shape in RL, and it’s very cool whenever I read a post like this. We’re all incredibly special, unique and have so much to offer the world and our friends. Keep posting about this stuff, please. It makes us all smile so much and helps us find and keep our confidence.
Big hugs and much respect. Wolfie x
I have been thinking so much about body image lately and I really enjoyed this post. Thanks!
I hate showing a lot of skin too, along with I don’ t like heavily makeupped skins. I’m also a bigger av too. I think it’s because we don’t prefer the club scene clothing that is popular in SL.
Great observations!!!!
Wolf, you make really great points about how insecurity can come out in different ways with different people. *hugs* I’m very glad to call you friend.
And yeah, you might see more of this kind of thing from me. My thesis and dissertation were both about media effects on body image, so it’s the kind of topic I think about a fair amount almost out of habit.
Chestnut, thank you! This stuff was rattling around in my head that had to get out somehow.
Kesseret, thanks for commenting! Nice that we have something in common.