I have this habit of starting off down some particular path full of promise only to hit a bump in the road that really only exists in my own mind yet still throws me completely off track. Being turned around and about isn’t so bad a thing really if it takes you on to bigger and better things than you’d even imagined, but usually I get lost in my own head with negative thoughts and fears and worries. Most, if not all, of us probably go through the same kinds of things, and if you’re like me, when you start finding your way out of the dark again, you notice the world leaving you little bread crumbs back to where you left off. Maybe you just see quotes and songs that suddenly hit you right in the heart or your friends decide you’ve been lost a little too long and bonk you on the head until you find the path again.

Being alive in any life for me is all about the process, the learning. It’s accepting and even finding joy in the fact that we will never know it all but we can certainly do our best to try anyway. That’s what the following quote means to me.

“It is important to do what you don’t know how to do. It is important to see your skills as keeping you from learning what is deepest and most mysterious. If you know how to focus, unfocus. If your tendency is to make sense out of chaos, start chaos.” – Carlos Castaneda

Find the things you’re good at. Find the things you might not be so good at. Just keep doing the things that bring you joy because when you’re happy, the people who care about you are happy. Step out into the unknown and see what it feels like, and then when it starts feeling comfortable, step farther out. That’s what I’m working on, tearing down the barriers that I keep building for myself.

Remember when I wrote about taking a look at scripting in SL? I took a few classes and played with some freebie scripts. It all seemed to be making sense, but then I kind of forgot about it. I had this block in my head about how I’d ever do anything useful with it, and I got a little stuck. Then Kavar mentioned a project where he wanted a specific kind of script, and I thought to myself that maybe I could help. I wrote my first script from scratch, and even though it was simple and I wasn’t sure it was even what he wanted exactly, I was proud of myself for taking the time to figure it out rather than assuming I couldn’t do it.

Then it turned out that it was actually a good fit for what Kavar wanted, so I got some scripting practice and helped out a friend at the same time. Such an amazing happy feeling, and all it took was me changing my mind and moving forward. So simple in theory but not always the easiest thing to actually do.

“If you’ve had enough of all your trying,
Just give up the state of mind you’re in.

If you want to be somebody else,
If you’re tired of fighting battles with yourself,
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind.

Have you ever danced in the rain
Or thanked the sun just for shining?
Just for shining.
Or the sea?
Oh no. Take it all in.
The world’s a show,
And yeah, you look much better,
Look much better when you glow.

What ya say we both go and seize the day?
‘Cause what’s your hurry? What’s your hurry anyway?”
- From the song “Change Your Mind” by Sister Hazel